Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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