Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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