i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
