I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize