wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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