so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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