wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
