I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
