There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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