If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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