I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize