Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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