Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
