Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
