Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
