I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
