Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
