....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
