My first STD was from a foam party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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