hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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