I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
