It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
