you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
