This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
