Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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