So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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