I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
third nipple confirmed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize