So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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