she was so not down for the gang bang
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
