Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
