Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
