The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
