i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
