I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
