I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
