I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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