Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
