I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
