new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
