First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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