Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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