Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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