WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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