Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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