My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
