When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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