we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
