I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
