He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
