once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
