Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
