I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
