He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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