they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
