she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
