Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
