There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
