My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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