I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
