Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
