My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
