A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
