we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
