Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
