she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
