Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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