I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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