he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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