she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
