you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
