i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
