i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
