someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
