The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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