Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
