last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
