Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
